How often do we think we need to be recognized, to go first, to climb over, compete with and / or to be better than the people around us? Why do we feel we deserve preferential treatment over someone else?

Let’s break this down a bit…

If we could step outside and observe ourselves honestly and objectively, what would we ascertain about any one (or more) of these behaviors within us? One thing that comes to my mind is the word “aggression”.

What does aggression mean? It means violating by force, an unprovoked offensive attack. The basis of this aggressive behavior is judgment (almost always negative and motivated by self-loathing and projected onto others).

So where do we learn these behaviors – from one or both of our parents as they interacted wtih us? When we were growing up, did we feel we had to take or hide food before it disappeared from the table? Perhaps we felt we had to steal money or things in order to get by – maybe out of a sense of entitlement because we were less fortunate than others. Have we acted abruptly, abusively, or in a condescending manner toward those we felt were beneath us in the hierarchy of human interaction?

Can we now see how this behavior may still be operating at some level within us?

I am not trying to be critical; I am simply bringing into focus the areas of our lives and our actions that need our attention. First, we must become aware of the behavior, and, then, we can do something different to break old patterns.  In this way, we can be kinder to ourselves so that we can be kinder to others and to nature.

I used to shop for things because I was bored. I would fill up my closet, drawers, and shelves with nice things, but they didn’t really mean that much to me…


I had to let many of those things go and downsize my entire life – creature comforts and entertainment – to fit the size of my greatly reduced pocketbook. I remember moving into my first apartment to start my new life as a single woman. It was a difficult transition, but, when I started to put the few possessions I had brought with me away, I was suddenly struck with a deep sense of gratitude I had not felt before. Yes, it seemed I had taken a step down, and yet, I had stepped into a place of humility, a place where all my needs (not wants or desires) had been met.

I am not saying I didn’t ever act out in a prideful way again in my life after that, but I now have new insight that has helped me bridge the gap between expectation and reality. I have clarity about who I am (strengths and opportunities for self-development) that helps me interact with others from a place of power – no need to prove my worth, no need for aggression.

It takes work to override our ego’s need to be recognized. If we can become aware that this is only an old program running within us that needs dismantling, and shift our perspective, we can move out of “ego” and into “heart”.

If you find yourself struggling with this idea, try to remember this: We are all souls within human bodies, eternally connected with the Divine. We have been created from a spark of God and are, thus, all ONE. By bringing your focus out of your head and into your heart, you can turn up the volume of your humility, which, in turn, increases your “deserve-ability”.

I am anticipating eagerly the publication of my memoir in 2022. In it, I talk about my own journey from “ego” to “heart” and how my understanding of my “deserve-ability” has grown as I have grown in humility.

Next month’s blog article will address the meaning of Grace!